January 2009 Archives

You score a good goal, run towards your screaming fans to share the special moment with them and then slide on your knees across the turf... or at least that's the plan:

When the word "ooops" just won't do....

Virgin boss Sir Richard Branson has thanked the author of a complaint letter slating the food on a flight as a "culinary journey of hell".

The disgruntled passenger fired off the rant to Sir Richard after a disastrous flight from Mumbai to Heathrow on December 7 last year.

The anonymous email - which has become a viral hit on the internet - is illustrated with pictures of the unappealing looking food served on the flight, with the author likening the main meal experience to being given a "dead hamster as a Christmas present".

Virgin have confirmed Branson telephoned the author of the letter and thanked him for his "constructive if tongue-in-cheek" email.

Click here to see the complaint in full.

NEW research by Age Concern has revealed the weird and wonderful ways people in the region would like to be remembered.

It shows that people have a quirky sense of humour when it comes to their own epitaphs.

When asked about what their own would say, as well as "another one bites the dust", some of the more amusing responses included "at last, a decent nights sleep", "who turned out the lights?", "move along, there's nothing to see", "I'll do it tomorrow" and "don't stand so close".

When questioned about a list of other well-known epitaphs, Spike Milligan's renowned epitaph "I told you I was ill" was a clear favourite in the North West, securing 61% of peoples votes.

In second place was Winston Churchill's "I'm ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter" and in third place was Frank Sinatra's "The best is yet to come".

Age Concern Wirral research also revealed that the vast majority (85%) of people in the North West know what an epitaph is but nearly three quarters (72%) hadn't really thought about their own before.

However, when respondents were asked to write one, the British sense of humour shone through and, despite not having really thought about this matter before, many were very sure of what they would like said for them.

Click on the image to view it full screen:

Cosmetic surgery is booming in Britain... despite the credit crunch, figures show.

More than 34,000 procedures were performed last year - a leap of more than five per cent on 2007.

Boob jobs rose by 30 per cent and women had 91 per cent of all surgery. But the figures, from the British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons, showed the number of men having "man boobs" removed rose by 44 per cent.

Male brow lifts shot up by 60 per cent.

BAAPS president Nigel Mercer said: "These figures indicate that despite the beginnings of a financial downturn last year, the public's interest in aesthetic surgery remained strong, especially in regards to specific procedures.

"Wide media coverage has helped to educate the public about the latest advances and choices available, and we are encouraged by the fact that more people are doing their research carefully and choosing reputable providers.

"In the current climate it is even more important that patients seeking cosmetic surgical procedures do not make decisions based on price."

Lloyds TSB has disclosed some of the more bizarre insurance claims they have received.

The firm revealed it had received claims from a man who alleged a magpie had stolen his glasses from the bedroom, and another from a couple who tried to recoup the cash for a bedpost broken during love-making.

In another case insurers were faced with a bill for thousands of pounds after the theft of vibrators from a sex shop.

The adult toys, pinched from a store in Solihull, West Mids, were never recovered and Lloyds TSB Insurance paid out.

Lloyds' Phil Loney said: "I never cease to be intrigued by the claims made to us."

At what point did this chap think it would be a good idea to try jumping across four exercise balls lying on a hard surface?

ECCENTRIC inventor Ed Walley is considering his options after spending tens of thousands of pounds creating a 130ft high iron man which has been refused planning permission.

Ed, who built the structure with two welders over three winters, had hoped to site the 39 ton giant at his children's adventure attraction, the Crocky Trail in Guy Lane, Waverton.
And he was approached by David Pickering, chairman of Chester The Giant City, about using the iron man to promote a festival based on the giants in the Midsummer Watch Parade.

But Chester City Council planners thwarted his vision for the structure - which is twice as high as Anthony Gormley's Angel of the North sculpture - after deciding its fails to respect the surrounding landscape and was inappropriate within the Green Belt.

Mr Walley, a dairy farmer and former Sheriff of Chester, is appealing by arguing the site is not in the Green Belt.

He said: "I will have to go to appeal. Most appeals are successful."

Asked why he had not submitted an application before embarking on the ambitious project, he commented: "Life isn't like that. It would never have happened at all if I had done that."

Currently lying on its belly in a field at the Crocky Trail, Mr Walley had intended to attach the three-ton arms and lift the structure using a 250-ton crane.

It featured in last year's bonfire extravaganza at the trail when Mr Walley climbed up to set fire to the head which had been packed with straw.

Mr Walley relies on revenue from the Crocky Trail because like all dairy farmers, he is struggling due to rising costs and the low price of milk.

"I couldn't survive without it, " said Mr Walley, who previously built a 65ft iron man sited at the trail which did receive planning permission.

Objector Nigel Barnes, of Waverton, said: "The sculpture will be 39 metres - nearly 130ft, the height of nine double- decker buses - and will be visible from 10 miles across the Cheshire plain."

Mr Barnes said motorists would want to stop and photograph the iron man in what was a narrow country lane.
Fellow resident Philip Appleton described the structure as an "eyesore" and "abhorrent".
He added: "There may be an inherent danger due to the height of the structures. Further to this, if they were to collapse during or after being set-up there may be injury or worse to children and other family members."

THREE Chester lap dancers have been performing for Simon Cowell and Piers Morgan.

Emma Phillips, Katie Firth and Lisa Williams went before the judges on ITV's Britain's Got Talent with their synchronised pole dancing act which was toned down compared with their normal routine at Chester's Platinum Lounge.

Calling themselves Aspara - named after mythical 'nymphs' who used to dance for gods and fallen warriors - the girls also had to impress female judges Amanda Holden and Kelly Brook at the audition in Manchester.

A disappointed Lisa, 24, who lives in Chester, said: "They didn't like it. We got buzzed off 10 seconds before the end. They were not impressed and we didn't get much feed-back.

"I think the production team thought we would go through and they couldn't believe it. We couldn't believe it."

Lisa added: "Piers said we were 'technically rubbish' but Simon had an argument with him saying 'what would you know?'. He said 'I've been to many lap-dancing clubs with you Simon' and that got a laugh.

"One of the girls, I think it was Amanda, said we should have done it in our underwear and Simon agreed."

Lisa said she and the other girls "loved" the day.

"It was brilliant and one of the scariest things I have ever done," she said, explaining that the idea to take part came up while she was at work.

"I was on the pole in work and when I came off this guy went 'Britain's got talent!' and I thought why not? We featured more the sporty side of it because it is very physical - I think it should be in the Olympics.

"The judges said it should have been more like a dance in a club but we couldn't have done that on a family show."

The third series of the show will be broadcast this spring and Lisa understands the Aspara audition will be broadcast.