Roger and out...

Here are some conversations between air traffic control and pilots:

While taxiing, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. The irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming:
"US Air 2771, where are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C's and D's, but get it right!" Continuing her tirade to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God, you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half
an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"
"Yes ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
The ground control frequency went terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to engage the irate ground controller in her current state. Tension in every cockpit at LGA was running high. Then an unknown pilot broke the silence and asked,
"Wasn't I married to you once?"

The controller working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (do a complet circle), a move normally used to provide spacing between aircraft. The pilot of the 727 complained, "Don't you
know it costs us two thousand dollars to make even a one-eighty in this airplane?"
Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars' worth."

A DC-10 had an exceedingly long rollout after landing with his approach speed a little high. San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end of the runway, if able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off
Highway 101 and make a right at the lights to return to the airport."