And Finally...Police contend with 'pc madness'

One force bizarrely claims the character's catchphrase is a subjective term that varies depending on culture and nationality. Other words officers are urged to avoid are "child" and "homosexual".

The instructions were revealed in response to a Freedom of Information request about guidance to police and fire services on the use of language.

Warwickshire Police's Policing Our Communities handbook states: "Don't assume those words for the time of day, such as afternoon or evening, have the same meaning."

But Marie Claire, of the Plain English Campaign, said yesterday: "I have never heard of anyone being confused as to what part of the day it is. When the police need absolute accuracy over when something happened, then I am sure they use the exact time.

"There comes a point when common sense must prevail."

Metropolitan Police officers are told to use the term "gay" rather than "homosexual", which, says the force, should be used only in connection with legislation, while staff are also instructed to say "heterosexual" rather than "straight".

Words such as "child" or "youngster" are reportedly discouraged by forces including Essex Police and Northern Ireland Fire and Rescue Service because they could have "connotations of inexperience, impetuosity or even dishonesty". Instead, they should use the phrase "young people".