And Finally...Non-swimmer told to retrain as lifeguard

Hard work at the best of times - a fully qualified lifeguard must swim 50 metres in less than a minute.

However, Joan is 62 years old - and terrified of water.

Joan, who was also told she would have to carry out first-aid and health and safety checks if she wanted to keep her job, said: "At first I was too terrified to go near water but tried to learn a bit of basic breaststroke. But I would never go underwater. I'm too scared.

"What am I supposed to do if someone is drowning? If I had to jump in to help somebody who was struggling then they'd have two people dead."

In the end Joan, from Newcastle-under-Lyme, Staffs, refused the move and left Total Fitness- but was disappointed with her non-existent send-off.

She said: "After nine years working there I thought more colleagues would have said goodbye but it was very quiet."

Her husband Christopher, 57, an electrician, said: "I was upset to see her come home with no present or card. She was very loyal."

Total Fitness declined to comment last night.