Virtual reality

With there being a lack of action both on and off the pitch at Chester City right now, I've been spending the week taking part in a successful virtual experiment that could see the club gain promotion by the end of this season.

Yes, I've been playing Fifa 09 on my PC, one of the better football games to come out in the past few years for the platform, and took charge of Chester City in manager mode, with the hope I could last longer than any of the real-life gaffers this decade.

Now, I should point out here the game isn't *totally* realistic. The stadium is almost always full to bursting, Paul Taylor is still in the squad (although, luckily for the purposes of this experiment, he sustained a cruciate ligament injury early on and missed the rest of the season), and no matches are called off due to frozen pitches. Oh, and the board kept reminding me to play Tony Dinning because he was a 'fans' favourite'. Make of that what you will.

Anyway, I went on to act out almost a carbon copy of recent managers' efforts, in that I started out strong, collected about 30 points and put myself in play-off contention, before taking one point out of seven games as my exhausted squad tumbled down the table. So far, so very City.

Luckily, the January transfer window opened, and here is where the secret of my (and hopefully the real life Chester City, if anyone from the club is reading) success began. Searching around the market, no player would come to the club on a permanent deal, so I searched the loan market instead.

And there he was. An £870,000 superstar who was happy to be paid just £2,200 a match during his time from January to the end of the season.

His name was simply Léo, a 16-year-old attacking midfielder from Fluminense in the Brazilian league. Right-footed, and - get this - an impressive sprint speed of 71% and acceleration of 69%, because that's what scouts look out for, they can rate how quick a footballer is in percentage points.

Since the successful loan deal (I'm not quite sure how he adapted moving from Brazil to the UK in winter, but he seemed to cope quite well), Léo scored no less than 60 goals as Chester soared up the table, the fans delighted to pack into the stadium and help fund another tier on the Vaughan stand (it was more real than the proposed development at the Deva will ever be, I suspect). The club eventually finished a comfortable 11 points clear at the top of the table and won promotion to League One.

As a bonus, the club also won the FA Cup, thrashing Nottingham Forest in the semi-final 6-1 and narrowly beating Chelsea in the final 2-1.

In conclusion, I urge Mark Wright and Stephen Vaughan to track down this Brazilian star of the future and sign him before the end of this month. The only thing that's standing in the way, as far as I can tell, is just easing the wage cap bill be removing Mannix, Butler, Dinning and Johnson. After that, you may as well start making preparations for expanding the trophy room...